my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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