Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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