the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
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Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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