I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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