Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
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