Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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