I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
