i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
