the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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