Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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