He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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