guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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