I want to have your abortion
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
