Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
