I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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