i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
