dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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