Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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