I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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