"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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