she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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