I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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