My first STD was from a foam party
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
