So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
