Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
