The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
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