we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
