weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
