I just made out with a guy for $7.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
