Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He? As in you personified your dick?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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