What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
