another moral hangover. fuck.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You need a sexual gate keeper
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
