He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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