In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
