I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
