I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
