If i come over, it means nothing
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You made out with two different species that night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
