Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
