i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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