ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
