You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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