I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize