i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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