While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
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Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize