it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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