Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
