so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
