Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
