I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
