It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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