Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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