i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This baby is an asshole
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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