if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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