It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
