Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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