Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
