I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
