My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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