Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
