i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
